Will things ever get better?

Feeling a bit down about it all this week. We’ve had a call back from Comedy Colin and he is going to make a referral to a child psychologist which is great but it just feels as though Elliot will never get better. We’ve been pushing for him to see a psychologist for over two years and was told by one particularly unhelpful nurse, in front of Elliot, that the waiting list is so long he’d only get onto it if he was suicidal.

So far this week I’ve washed the sofa cushions and covers four times, washed his bedding every day, cleaned up poo from the carpet twice, and had him in tears twice because he’s so fed up with it all.

It feels worse when we’re out, today we went to the park and went in a rowing boat on the boating lake. Elliot went to the toilet before we got in the boat but still did a huge wee while we were on the water. When we got out of the boat I was torn about what to do. There was a big wet patch on the seat but I didn’t want to draw attention to it because he’d have been mortified. But I thought I should say something to the man running the boats so he could help me clean it before the next people got in the boat. I was just about to ask him if he had a cloth I could borrow when I caught Elliot’s eye – the look he was giving me was imploring me not to tell anyone. So I didn’t. We got out and left the seat with wee on it for the next person possibly to sit in. I felt awful but I think I’d have felt worse if Elliot had had to suffer the acute embarrassment of everyone seeing what he’d done.

It’s so difficult. Sometimes it feels as though we’re getting closer to things improving, but then other times it feels as though he’ll never get better.

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