So, I was right about the colorectal nurse – he did indeed wear comedy socks. He also made jokes about his head being on upside down. I wasn’t endeared to him. Neither was Elliot, who spent the entire appointment trying to disappear inside his chair.
He did seem genuinely keen to help Elliot, but at the same time also seemed to have no clue what was going on. It was almost as though he rocked up to the hospital one day wearing a nurses uniform as a joke, and as nobody asked him to leave he thought he’d give it a go. The hospital is so woefully under resourced they’re probably grateful for anyone who is willing to help. Even Colin Hunt from the Fast Show.
He brought up Elliot’s latest x-ray on the computer and asked me what I thought. I thought the insides of my son were very interesting, but not being medically trained I couldn’t really advise him. So he said he’d ring the consultant to ask him to have a look. I bit my tongue and managed not to ask why we couldn’t have seen the bloody consultant in the first place. The consultant was busy, and was going to call back, so we spent an uncomfortable twenty minutes with Comedy Colin trying to make Elliot laugh, through a bizarre series of activities including tickling, lying on the floor, and asking if Elliot would like to wobble his tummy.
At this point we realised the consultant probably wouldn’t call back, so we escaped with the promise that Colin would call us first thing on Monday with the consultant’s verdict.
It is now Wednesday and we’re still waiting for the call….